Well, seeing as the season 3 premier just aired, I figured this would be the best time to do my obligatory Downton Abbey post. Who needs to watch the entire season? I’m going to give out my 7 Downton Awards now.

1. Best Villain: Lady Mary’s wedding dress. Unfortunately for our Mary, that dress had her looking positively prepubescent. Sorry, but it was not only unassuming – it was unflattering, unfeminine, and generally unfortunate. Better luck next time (and you know there will be a next time), Lady Mary.

2. Most Jolly Hair: Doesn’t it go without saying? Lady Edith seems to be the model of ordinary-ness – as pedestrian as can be. But wait, our Edith has done something new, stylish even, with her unremarkable locks and now is fit to be the valiant pursuer of a much older, and more awkward specimen. You go, Edith!

3. Worst Financial Investor… Ever: Way to go, Lord Grantham! Put all your eggs (or should I say your wife’s) in Enron! You don’t deserve a valet.

4. Most Astute Older Gentleman: Though he may seem awkward, and and by all accounts rather elderly; Sir Anthony has proved he’s no slouch when it comes to observing people at a gathering. Thinking about slipping some roofies into someone’s drink? Not on Sir Anthony’s watch. Recognize!

5. Least Jolly Hair: Um, that would have to go to Mr. Bates and his prison-do. Or should I say prison-don’t.

6. Most Hyperbolic Reaction to Black Ties: Amidst Lord Grantham and Matthew’s valet issues, the two are forced to dress down, dawning black ties to a formal dinner event, causing mother-in-law Martha to exclaim, “Oh, you two are dressed for a barbeque!” and Lord Grantham, himself, to add that he “feels like a Chicago bootlegger.” Oh, the indignity.

7. Best Performance by A Sassy Redhead: Congratulations, Mrs. Patmore! Oh… you thought I was going to say Shirley Maclaine’s character, Martha. Well this is… awkward…

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